Wardrobe Mishaps

Friday I came home from work and immediately started to strip down so I could change into my pajamas. Yes, I didn't have any plans and it was already after 7:00 so I'm not going to feel guilty about spending a weekend night in my pajamas watching a Hallmark channel movie.

I digress. (Matt, or any other male individual, in case you are a regular reader, you might want to skip ahead to the bulleted section.) As I undress I'm having a hard time with my bra. The hooks just aren't coming undone. The situation was not looking good. My bra, AKA tourniquet, needed to come off. As I'm trying to remember where I put my scissors I look down and realize that there was something a little off about the fabric. Rather than pretty lace all I see are rough seams. Somehow I managed to put my bra on inside out. The new knowledge helped me free myself from the metal clasps. Instead of pushing left and out I needed to push right and in -- Ahhh freedom. As I snuggled in to watch cute Mark Conseulos in For the Love of Grace. I started to wonder how I managed to let that happen. I must have been somewhat delirious that morning not to have noticed the inside out situation. I really had to work on the fasteners. But then I realized that this is not an isolated event. There have been several occasions where I have suffered a wardrobe mishap. Here are a few.

• I once went a whole day with my cardigan buttons misaligned. I don't know how it happened and the sad thing is no one told me.
• I once walked into school fully dressed but wearing my slippers. I didn't notice until I entered the office and then proceeded to announce to everyone that I was wearing them. The most comfortable day on me feet ever.
• I once wore bright purple tights with a green skirt. I thought they were black. When people asked if I got dressed in the dark I just answered yes. The harsh light of morning is sometimes a little too much for me.
• I have a skirt that likes to completely turn around on my body. I might start the day wearing it the right way but by the end of the day the back slit has now become the front slit.
• I also have a sock that does the exact same thing.
• Tagless T-shirts are great except when you wear them inside out and backwards.
• Knee socks -- They usually stay up until noon. Then, from lunchtime on I fight a battle that no elderly woman ever wins. I'm in a constant state of tugging and pulling.

Some of my wardrobe mishaps happen once I'm at work.

• I've already mentioned chalklines from the blackboard elsewhere on this blog. Too many to count. Thank heavens for whiteboards.
• I must remember to avoid tomato sauce at all cost. It always ends up somewhere on my clothing.
• Tuesday I wore a long black skirt to school. That is the day I teach my class at the U. That is also the day one of my students dropped his lunch tray in the cafeteria and his mashed potatoes and gravy landed all over the front of my skirt.
• The all time worst wardrobe mishap occurred the first year I was teaching. I was living at home because a first year teacher makes little and spends it all on her students. I drove into the parking lot at the crack of dawn and as the car came to a stop I threw up all over the front of my dress. A lesser teacher may have driven home at this point and called a sub -- not me. I called my mom to bring me a new jumper and finished the day. Martyr? Maybe. But, you just don't realize how hard it is to write sub plans for 7 year olds.
  

Finally, most of my mishaps occur because my laundry is usually in some varying state of undone. 1) On the floor 2) Sorted but dirty 3) In the washing machine 4) In the dryer but still not dry 5) Clean but wrinkled

I once bought an entire new outfit top to bottom, inside and out just to avoid doing my laundry. Shortly thereafter my family staged a loving intervention. While I was teaching a class they came and cleaned my house and did all my laundry for me. I'm embarrassed to say multiple washing machines and a trip to the laundry mat for the driers were necessary. In my defense I was trying to recover from a terrible bought of whooping cough and I had been extremely ill. But it was still one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

Anyway, I'm sure I've had many more wardrobe mishaps due to ill fitting, mismatched coloring, or unfortunate styling, but I choose to remain oblivious.