Something's Wrong With This Picture

I guess Christmas was a little more difficult than I thought. All I remember is sitting down to watch Santa Baby 2 on Lifetime or Hallmark or whichever channel I watch and waking up to this. Bummer. Have you tried the peppermint kind? Little burst of yummy peppermint heaven. Maybe I can whip it up in my magic bullet? Right now I have peppermint soup.

Note to self

If a recipe calls for frozen rhodes rolls, pop and serve biscuits are not an equivalent substitution.

Butterscotch bubble bread is now raw, doughy mess.

Also, if it calls for a bundt pan, a loaf pan probably isn't a good idea either.

Hip Hop Dog

So you don't have to look at the contents of my purse anymore. Blame Kiley.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Problem

I have a problem. My purse is messy. Seriously messy. So messy that when my phone rings it often goes to voice mail before I can find it. Within the last week and a half I have had my purse dumped out upside down twice. The first time was at the Conference Center. I was not happy. I knew they were going to search my purse but seriously this was like a cavity search for purses. The second time I was with my mom and I heard a distant ring. I thought it was my phone. I looked and looked for it but I couldn't find it. My mom was with me so she looked and looked for it too. My mom ended up dumping the whole thing out in the front seat of the car. I still couldn't find my phone. It turned out my purse was so messy it jumped out and went under the seat. I took this as a sign. It was time to clean out my purse. So forty-five minutes ago I told myself that before I could go to Target and buy that shoe rack I want, I must clean out my purse. What I found was slightly embarrassing so when I'm embarrassed I like to write about it and post it to the internet. Here are some of the contents. You might like to play along Eye Spy style.

• A toothbrush
• Important receipts for school
• 13 Post it note lists
• Flex spending letter that should have been mailed last month
• Missing ID tag
• Computer cord for projector
• Sucker
• Two tampons
• $437 dollars in cash and checks (what? Who has $437 in their purse?)
  
• Another purse
• punch cards from every place that gives out punch cards (most with only one punch)
• two ticket stubs
• 47 assorted pens and pencils

Yup, I'd say I have a problem.

Anyway, I think I've earned a trip to Target and with $437 I think I can buy a pair of shoes to go with that rack.

CCRs

I'm pretty sure the person growing corn in their front yard is violating a rule in the CC&Rs.  Oh the joys of living in a planned community -- Only a few more days.  Let the packing begin!

Fan of Fans

I cannot stand to be hot. For the past four weeks I have complained about how hot it is in my school no less than 23 times a day. It's so hot! Sweaty gross hot. Back to School Night almost did me in. To teach all day in a hot, sticky room and then try to look presentable in front of parents was near impossible. In fact I might have mentioned a few of the school board members' telephone numbers during my presentation. (I really didn't in case my boss ever reads this -- but boy did I want to.) My thought is you can always put on a sweater, but you can only take so many things off. Believe it or not this year is not the worst year when it comes to temperature. My first year at my current school Utah had a record hot May. More 100 degree tempertures recorded in a month than ever before. That was also the year that my air conditioner thought it was an F-16, or at least it did an incredibly realistic impression of one, and then upon discovering that it was securely fastened to the concrete and would never realize its dream to soar high above the clouds, it gave up its will to cool and died. Two long years of sweltering heat followed, school then home, then school, then home. Until I finally saved enough money to buy the biggest, baddest, "coolest" central air unit on the block. My neighbors had air conditioner envy. It is a beautiful machine. It will be hard to say goodbye when I move later this month but the new place still has central air so I'm good to go.

During those years without air conditioning, the only thing that helped me make it through those long hot nights was this:

The biggest ugliest ceiling fan ever made. It came with the house. One night it actually came detached from the ceiling and was dangling by the electrical wiring. Thankfully Mark rushed over and secured it to the ceiling again, but the image of those brown wicker blades spinning out of control scarred me for life. As luck would have it exactly one week ago I broke it. I pulled too hard on the chain and oops, there it goes. I have been living with this thing for close to nine years and I break it one month before I move. Grrr. So I dragged Melanie to Home Depot and she helped me pick out the cheapest new ceiling fan I could find.


I actually have a lot of experience with fans. They are positioned strategically around my classroom in an effort to keep the lil' ones cool and calm. The first day everyone also makes their personal fans to keep in their desks at all time.Notice the cute crayon sorter tucked in the shelf.

Sometimes I turn this fan on the students and sometimes I just face it right on me. It depends on how generous I'm feeling.
After one week in the classroom my student teacher came with two more fans. They don't stand upright but if I'm going to plug them into an extension cord and drape it across the table anyway so what if I tip it on a chair. I know the fire inspector would not approve.
Finally, here is the newly installed ceiling fan, complete with energy efficient light bulbs.This isn't a fan, but Adam likes to refer to it as "The Stool of Shame" I keep telling him that's not where misbehaving students sit. I sit there when I read a chapter from our novel after lunch while the kids fan themselves, guzzle water, and can't hear a thing because we have four fans going in the classroom.

Next week they are forecasting temperatures in the 80s. That better be the truth or a certain weather forecaster might be getting a threatening telephone call.

To do lists

I'm a list maker.  I love to organize what I have to do and then cross it off when I've accomplished it.  I count myself among the group of people who add already completed projects to our lists just so we can cross them off as complete.  I find a considerable amount of joy in visually realizing that I have been productive.  As I prepped for the start of school my list was long so I wrote it on my white board.  It stayed up all week.  Ashley made the mistake of erasing "sunflower bulletin board" after she finished stapling the bright yellow sunflowers with green ribbon stems used to frame each child's face on the board.  I made her rewrite it and then draw a line through it.   Each night I would meticulously transfer the items I could do at home to a Post It.  When I finished the item at home I not only got to cross it off the Post It, I also got to come in the next morning and cross it off the board.  Lists are great because they give a sense of urgency to tasks.  I can prioritize what is important and I can stay on top of what I need to get done.

As I've prepped for the beginning of school one list has grown to an almost unbearable size.  It's looming over me screaming for attention -- unfortunately, I just don't have a lot of time right now.  This to do list grows daily and I haven't been able to remove a single thing.  Just when I think I'm going to get to it a senator/celebrity dies, a kidnap victim is found, or fires rage somewhere and my addiction to television news becomes the top priority.

Of all the lists I've ever compiled I find immense amounts of joy and satisfaction in working my way through my DVR list.  With the touch of a button I can see a list of all my favorite shows waiting to be viewed when it is convenient for me and without having to sit through commercials.  I figure for every hour long television program I save myself 15 minutes by viewing it on the DVR and if it's cable or a reality show I can sometimes save myself 30 minutes by fast forwarding through all the rehashing mini updates they show immediately upon return from the commercial break.  

Let me make this clear.  I LOVE the list feature on my DVR.  Yet, this list is growing out of control.  It's becoming a bit of a monster and I don't think it is healthy for me to be feeling pressure from my television.  At some point this summer I must have thought it would be a good idea to record a few programs to have on hand during the summer hiatus.  I like having something on in the background and while I will settle for an infomercial about the Magic Bullet I prefer to watch/listen to something I might enjoy.  So I set up my season pass to record shows like Cold Case, The Colony, Masterpiece Mystery, and I'm embarrassed to admit just about every Lifetime television movie ever made.  I recorded them just in case I might like them.  I can't think of a single Lifetime movie that I have fallen in love with but I continue to watch/record them over and over again.  I take it back -- I did really like the one called Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy, but I think it's because Sarah Chalke was in it and I love her, but generally these movies are low budget, made in Canada, not even remotely entertaining train wrecks so why do I continue to put them on my list?  I've got movies I've never even heard of and trust me if I didn't see it in the theater when it came out I really don't want to see it on television.  

I don't understand my reasoning here.  I don't really like any of these shows so why do I feel this pressure to watch them before I can delete them off my list?  Now shows that I do like are starting up again and I need to make room.  It would be tragic if I missed an episode of Top Chef Las Vegas or Project Runway because my machine wanted to record an episode of Kings. And don't even get me started on HGTV.  I had blocked this channel from my guide until I decided to put my house on the market earlier this summer and now I am addicted.  Canadians haven't mastered the art of the television movie but they sure have the market down on home improvement/repair.  They kick TLC's trash.  I am addicted to Design Star, which made me addicted to Divine Design, and if you know House Hunters then House Hunters International is only going to be like twelve times more amazing.  

So, I think I'm going to do it.  I'm going to delete my entire DVR list and start fresh.  I can't handle the pressure.  The hours and hours and hours it would take for me to watch all of these shows are hours that only existed that one semester when I was in college skipping physics, taking beginning guitar, and knitting.  As a productive member of society I am going to have to push that delete button because let's face it the new fall TV season is here.  

I'm going to delete everything, except for Masterpiece the complete Jane Austen because the BBC Collin Firth Pride and Prejudice is exquisite and you never now when you might want to watch Mansfield Park.

Back to School

I think I may have outsmarted Walmart this year.  Their Crayola crayons are still 25¢ a box.  I got all of mine for 20¢ at Kmart.  I also held off and didn't pay 15¢ each for their 3-pronged folders.  I paid 5¢ each at Smith's Marketplace.  I didn't even walk into Shopko this year -- boo for limits.  I mean really, who only buys 6 pencil boxes?  I need 30.  

So, this year I shopped around.  I got some great deals.  But then I realized school starts tomorrow, so I ran to Walmart and spent $235.67 on the rest of the supplies I need.  Who can bargain shop when you're on a deadline?    I figured I'm stimulating the economy, so then I went to Lakeshore and bought a $20.00 crayon sorter.  Yes, I already have a box for lost crayons, but who can stand to put a lost crayon in a lame box when you can sort it into a corresponding color can from Lakeshore?  I used a coupon. 

TMI

I thought that I would blog about the dream I had the other day -- The one where I went to Walmart at 3:00 a.m. and purchased T.P., tampons, a 16 oz. bag of chocolate chips, and an aluminum baseball bat -- but I thought that might be a little too revealing.

Independent dog

Dudley celebrates his own independence day by being forced to dress in a neckerchief bedecked with stars and trotted around the neighborhood on a short bungee leash.

This is Miles and me reenacting the moment Dudley decided to have a bite of his licorice.  Miles' next piece was shoved swiftly into his mouth using both fists to protect the end from potential licorice nabbing.  Tomorrow I get to spend the entire day with this cute guy. 

All By Myself

Amie and I went to the Bees game on the 4th of July and stayed all 12 innings to enjoy the fireworks show which was scheduled for after the game.  It was actually quite fun and it didn't matter that the Bees lost because really by then it was 11:30pm and all I wanted was to see some fireworks.  

But, something happened at the game that has been bugging me.  It bugged me the instant it happened and still more than a week later it flits into my head and I start dreaming up all these scenarios where things work out differently or I come to terms with the unnaturalness of it all and it has really caused me to pause and evaluate my life.

So, we have great seats, almost behind home plate protected by the giant net that should deflect any errant or foul balls. We are chatting away hoping that the people to the left and right of us don't arrive on time or at all so we can spread out and avoid any awkward personal contact with a stranger.   We breathed a sigh of relief when the family we thought was headed for our row sat directly in front of us and then it happened -- this perfectly normal looking guy, not weird or strange or greasy in anyway files in behind the family and takes a seat.  We immediately check him out because that's what single girls do and wistfully sigh because he is surely holding a seat while he waits for his wife, or his girlfriend, or his partner, or whoever, but s/he never comes.  Instead, another family comes forcing him to scoot over and take his true seat wedged between two Utah families at a baseball game.  Here it is -- this guy bought a single ticket and came to a very crowded game on the Fourth of July -- ALONE--ALL BY HIMSELF--FLYING SOLO.  

Does that weird anyone else out?  I was so shocked by the whole thing I could hardly concentrate on the game.  Who does that?  Clearly, he had to be from out of town and he decided to enjoy the local triple A team.  He actually did seem to be enjoying it.  He stood up with the rest of us and cheered loudly when the Tacoma Raineers' manager stomped out onto the field, argued with the umpire, threw his hat to the ground and got ejected.  He even took out his camera phone and took a few pics.  (He probably posted them to his Facebook account while we were sitting there.)  It disturbed me so much that he was there by himself that I had to create this elaborate life for him.  He was away traveling on a holiday and he decided he didn't want to be alone in his hotel room so he purchased a single ticket from one of those guys holding up the "I need a ticket sign" (I used to think...if you need a ticket why don't you just go and buy one at the ticket office?...until I realized oh, they're really selling tickets to people who don't want to sit in the nose bleed seats or seats that might give you a nose bleed because you get hit in the face with a foul ball.) This single, all by himself mystery man, of course took Trax from his hotel room so he wouldn't get lost and the reason he left before the fireworks was because he had to catch an early flight and he didn't want to be out too late, but he totally would have stayed for the show if that Raineer hadn't tied it up in the ninth inning prolonging the end of the game.

Does this weird anyone else out?  Is it okay to do things like go to a baseball game alone? Would you do it?

Now I am single so I do have to do quite a few things on my own, by myself, or else I wouldn't get anything done.  But there are definitely all by myself situations and then there are wouldn't be caught dead doing it all by myself situations.

Shopping for groceries -- alone.

Shopping for clothes -- alone.

Shopping for books -- alone.

Shopping for a car -- most definitely not alone.  I need a voice of reason along with me.

Going to the ladies room -- alone.

Going to the library -- alone.

Going to the doctor -- alone.

Going to the movies -- most definitely not alone.  I did go to the movies by myself back when I taught at a year-round school and was off track for three weeks at a time during weird times of the year and I hadn't yet discovered the miracle that is DVR, but given a choice I wouldn't do it again. It's just not very fun.

Going to a restaurant -- not alone.

Going through the drive through -- alone.

Going to water aerobics -- alone.

Going to the pool -- not alone.

Picking out a new sofa -- not alone.

Picking my nose -- please, please be alone.

Walking around the neighborhood -- alone.

Walking the Jordan River Trail -- not alone.  I used to do this alone until one day I was walking and a homeless man literally jumps onto the trail in front of me and says I'm pretty.  Normally, that would be flattering, but when I am most decidedly not looking pretty and the complement is coming from someone who is missing all of his front teeth it is a little scary.  I sped on past him and then for the rest of the trail all I could think was "I am all alone."  Shortly after that experience I procured the Dudster to shake that "you are all alone" feeling.

Anyway, I just want to know what it was that this guy had that made it so he could go to this baseball game by himself.  I'm oddly in awe of the gumption, or confidence, or whatever it was that made it possible for him to accomplish this feat.  I nearly broke my very strict rule of not drawing attention to myself in public places by leaning over and actually asking him where he came from and what he was doing there but if I did that I might as well just go ahead and order the sizzling fajitas the next time I go to Chili's.  Like that is going to happen. He might have even answered that he was from Sugarhouse and he just really likes the Bees, or that he has a crush on the first baseman.  Oh, now that would have been good.  Curses social anxiety and other public neurosis!  Why must I suffer so? 

Self Fulfilling Prophecy

You believe it -- You become it.  

I love exercise.  I love exercise.  I love exercise.  

Hmmm....Maybe the more I say it the more I'll believe, then maybe I'll work on becoming it.

I know I like it a lot better when I get to listen to the new Greenday album.  No Greenday unless I'm exercising. 

Lock me up

It's only been one day and I've already broken several rules.  I have no resolve.  First, I checked facebook about 4 or 8 times today.  I have not left the house, although I did look out the window.  I have been playing word twist for the last three hours.  It's like Boggle.  After each game you see a nice bell curve and you get your rating -- very low, low, average, high, very high.  For the first hour I rated VERY LOW on every turn.  This was a little upsetting.  So then I spent the next hour trying to break into the low range.  I'm getting there about every third game.  Now I am just playing trying to come out average.  This is killing me.  I can't rate very low on a word game -- a word game, seriously?

Hiatus over

So I took a little break.  When I started this blog last July I knew that it would be hard to keep it going once I got swamped with school.  I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did.  I guess I got mucked down right about March/April and I haven't really emerged until this week.  So much has happened, funny, sad, embarrassing.  I don't know that I'll update everything but since this is my journal I might go back and add a few events.  I just needed to take that first step and get it over with.  

One of my friends has a theory about why weight loss is so hard for women.  I think it applies to my blogging.  It's because we tend to be perfectionists.  All or nothing.  We beat ourselves up if we make a mistake.  We say mean things to ourselves and sometimes punish ourselves by repeating the undesired behavior. If we can't be perfect at what we are doing we don't do it.  Men on the other hand are okay not being quite so perfect.  They make a mistake they shrug their shoulders and get over it, then start again the next day.  I think she's really onto something.  I was looking at my blog just like I look at weight.  All or nothing.  Even though I enjoy it if I didn't have time to devote myself entirely I didn't do it and even if I did have time, I didn't have any time to catch up with everything I wanted to blog about so again, I didn't do it.  Those days are over.  School is out, math classes are done.  I don't start a new class until August so I have some free time.  This demands that I also need to set some parameters so that I don't become overly obsessed -- The other side of the all or nothing spectrum.  If I'm in I'm really in so, since I have a little more free time this month I have decided I can only check my blog/email/facebook page twice a day. Once in the morning and once in the evening.  I will not become addicted to any games -- flibricks, gems, dots, solitaire, word scrapper, or any other that tend to suck all of my time and exacerbate my self-diagnosed carpal tunnel syndro

me. I can only spend an hour a week on iTunes.  I must speak to one human being every day.  I must leave the house at least once every day.  For now these are the rules I must abide by.  I usually make some sort of television viewing rule, but I am so backed up on all my shows that it hasn't been a problem as of yet.  I might need a few days of intense viewing to catch up -- next time it rains. 

Speaking of rain Amie and I saw the most AMAZING double rainbow coming out of the movies this weekend.  It was a full arch and the light was hitting it so 

you could see the full spectrum of color.  I tried to get a picture of the entire arch but my lense wasn't wide enough.  It really was beautiful.

Tomato Carnage

I thought I was being super healthy this Saturday when I used a coupon to buy not one but two big bottles of V-8 juice, the low sodium variety.  I also thought I was Miss Muscles and decided to layer all the plastic bags and the 12 pack of toilet paper so I could bring everything into the house in one trip.  I guess the 20 extra steps I would have had to take to do it in two trips was more than I could bare.  Well, I was opening my sliding door when one of the bottles of V-8 slipped out of the bag and hit the edge of the stairs in just the right way that sent blood-like juice splattering all over the patio, the grocery bags, and my legs.  Thankfully, it's warm enough now that I was able to reattach the house and spray off the patio.  I would have included a picture but then my blog might get an M rating for mature audiences only.  Let's just say it was pretty gruesome.  While I'm on the subject of gross, I found one of Dudley's claws on the stairs.  Yup, it just popped off.  At first I couldn't figure out what it was, but after realizing it was one of his nails I think I threw up a little in my mouth.  Yuck.  V-8 anyone?

Community Ed.

I just received my Spring Granite Peaks catalog in the mail.   Oh goodie. Hidden amongst all the computer and language classes you can always find a few gems like:

Boomer Belly Dance

"...aerobic activity perfectly suited to Baby Boomers looking for a new, fun exercise!  If you're tired of going to high-priced gyms and exercising, surrounded by 20-year olds..." then by all means sign up for a class where overweight 50 year olds can flash their jiggly bellies.  No thank you. 

All the single ladies out there are going to want to check this class out -- It's surefire man bait.

Medieval Swordsmanship

"Study the historical European martial art of swordsmanship.  Start with the beginnings of sword, dagger, and grappling techniques ....Contact sparring and close quarters grappling is expected.  Wear well fitted gym clothing -- no shorts please."

The guys that played Dungeons and Dragons in high school now have an outlet where they can dress up in tight gym clothes and re-enact fight scenes from Middle Earth. 

What the heck is an angel gathering?  No really...

What the Heck is an Angel Gathering?

This is a free class so if your pinching your pennies it may be the one for you.  " An introduction to the Angel Gatherings based on the teachings of Archangel Michael...find your color (to be used in the sacred geometry), ask questions, get on waiting list for an upcoming gathering."

and finally,

Fear of Money

"Are you allergic to money?"  Then come spend $35 dollars so you can learn to clear away blocks with the use of kinesiology ad empower yourself to attract money.

Seriously, who signs up for these classes?  You've got to love community ed.

Some other offerings:

Ghostbusters

Owl Viewing

Beginning Bridge

and

Whodunit? 

"Do you have what it takes to solve the case?  If you've dreamed of becoming a Sherlock Holmes or Gill Grissom, here's your chance.  Collect evidence, conduct interviews and see if you can figure out who the guilty person is.  You must be eighteen years or older to take this class."  I can't really mock this one because it could be kind of fun.  Maybe like a real life game of Clue, but it could also be creepy and gross.  Why do you have to be 18?  And what cases are these people trying to solve?   

Dudley Update

It's time for a Dudley update.  So, the other day I got home from work and made my daily climb up a very steep staircase.  Dudley had greeted me at the back door like he always does by jumping up and giving me what I like to call a "Dudley hug".  This usually consists of a two-paw embrace while jumping on his hind legs, claws out, and slobbering.  One day he is going to jump up while I'm leaning down and my next post will be about how Dudley broke my nose, but I digress.  As soon as I dropped everything off at the table and went to check messages on the phone and the contents of my refrigerator, he bolted upstairs.  This is highly unusual and should have been my first warning sign.  But as I was enjoying some peace and quiet Dudley was quite busy.  It dawned on me when I got the the third or fourth step that something was not right.  Dudley was laying at the top of the stairs gnawing on something.  Oh no.  It couldn't be my glasses because I was wearing them.  He didn't find that brand new box of tampons I just bought, did he? No, those are locked up in the closet.  (I'm not going to make that mistake again.) What could it be?  I haven't had sofa pillows since his arrival.  (Note: covering your couch in aluminum foil each day when you leave for work, does not deter a determined puppy from getting to those fluff-filled pods of wonderment.  I foolishly believed the dog trainer when he said the the crunching foil noise would scare him and Dudley would never want to 1 - eat my pillows or 2 - lay on the couch.  All the diligent foil wrapping got me was ridicule from my dad who stopped by one day after golf and tired legs from standing.) No, at the top of the stairs was this:
Photo reenactment -- there was no way I had the presence of mind to capture this on film.

Four crumpled wads of wet, gooey, dollar bills.  Wait, what did I see in the corner of his mouth?  Still one more?  And thus began the adventure of me trying to pry Dudley's jaws open while I retrieved my dollar  In these hard economic times I was not going to let it "go to waste".  I apologize...I'm an avid Cake Wrecks reader and she is seriously punny.  I can't help it. Anyway, I knew getting a dog was going to be an investment but I didn't think he'd actually resort to literally eating my money.  He had to search it out.  It wasn't as if I leave money on my bedside table like I do my water bottles (his third favorite treat, next to peanut butter and cheese).

The dollars were in a pocket, in a laundry basket, in my closet.  he didn't even bother to take the pants out of the dirty clothes, he just rooted around in the basket and helped himself to the contents of my pocket without disturbing anything else.  He'd tell you it was my fault for leaving the closet door open.  That, or Dudley has somehow miraculously learned how to open louvered doors.  This might actually be a possibility because a few mornings later I awoke to a strong fish smell.  I had made a tuna sandwich for dinner the night before, but I know I tossed the can into the trash in my "garbage closet" and I never leave that door open.  Well, this is what I found:

This image actually lends support to Amie's pet name for the Dudster.  She likes to refer to him as Montecor.  Montecor gained fame after ending the legendary Vegas run of Seigfried and Roy following an unfortunate mauling incident.  I think Amie lives in fear of coming over for a friendly visit and leaving to spend the next two months under heavy sedation after having to undergo a face transplant, (Yeah, I'm talking about crazy women who let her pet chimpanzee eat her friend's face.) While I have yet to be mauled, those Dudley hugs I'm so fond of do tend to get a little aggressive.  So I will continue to throw money at him in my efforts to tame this savage beast.  The last stupid purchase I made was for the Pedi-paws during our Black Friday shopping expedition.  It was my fault for believing that Dudley would actually sit calmly while I lifted his nails into position and filed them down without incident.  I mean really, you saw the tuna can.  How delusional do I have to be? 

For now, I think I'll just sit back and watch Marley and Me and relish in the fact that while the Dudster can be naughty, he barks at scary things in the dark, warms my toes when it's cold, and never jumps on me when I cry.  So for now, I'll keep him around, unless he eats my glasses...again.

Week in Review

Here are some highlights from my week.  I'll make it fast because I'm afraid at any minute I might take a nap.  Is it possible to develop a form of narcolepsy that only surfaces on weekends?  It doesn't seem to matter what I'm doing but, today I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere doing anything.  Sometimes I wake up after ten minutes, sometimes it's after two hours.  I hope I can get to sleep tonight.  Anyway, the wild weather we've been having has made for some nice visual aids to teach about my science weather unit.  It's snowing one minute, raining the next, and bright and sunny the next.  I don't know what to wear and neither do the kids.  The biggest drawback was our fieldtrip to the Children's Theater had to be cut short.  We couldn't eat our lunches in the park which meant picnic in the classroom, which meant one long afternoon for Miss. Garber.  It was actually a fun day. (Great kid-friendly performance for parents looking for an outing.)  I did get a new student that morning without notice so that keeps me on my toes.  Note to parents out there.  If you must enroll your child part-way through the school year be sure to give the school plenty of notice so that your child's teacher can make their arrival special.  When I have notice I like to get a desk, a chair, a coat hook, and tote tray prepared and ready.  Nothing says welcome to our classroom like a teacher sitting you at table because there isn't anywhere else for you to go, handing you a book you may or may not be able to read while she's trying to arrange for permission to go on the fieldtrip and notify the cafeteria that we need an extra lunch.  Ugh.  Nice kid, just think about these things people. The real highlights happened this weekend. I got to go to a movie with Amie, had lunch with college friends on Saturday afternoon -- we went to Noodles & Company.  I don't have a regular menu item that I love there yet so I was able to go somewhat off-script and try something new.  I may have found my favorite dish -- Pad Thai with shrimp.  Yummy, yummy.  It was delicious.  Rice noodles, carrots, a little bit sweet.  Saturday night I looked it up on Dotti's Weight Loss Zone to check out some of the healthier options and it fit perfectly.  I also took Adam and Ashley to see Monsters vs. Aliens, but before that the whole family got together to celebrate my Grandpa Soulier's 90th birthday.  It was awesome singing to him.  He had a huge smile on his face and sang along with us.  He is really amazing and I enjoyed spending the weekend writing a birthday letter to him.  My mom copied a book of letters everyone wrote to him for his 80th birthday and his 84th birthday and gave it to all of the families.  I stayed up last night well past midnight reading all the amazing thoughts about his life.  Nearly everyone mentioned what an amazing teacher he was, what a snappy dresser he is, and how much he loves gardening, camping, and nature.  He is an amazing person and I appreciate the opportunity I had to reflect on his life.  I think I'll try and make this more of a habit.  I'm not big on birthday cards but there is nothing like a personal letter.  I can see how much they mean to him.  My goal for myself is to be better about telling the people I care about how much I care about them.  Okay, this was a weird post ramble, ramble, ramble.  Next time I promise I'll blog about Walmart Bingo.  Tha,t or American Idol -- I know Adam can sing, but on country week when he sang the Johnny Cash Burning Ring of Fire song, that was scary.  Who knew Satan could be a contestant on a reality show? Did the producers have to put the fire graphics behind him? I liked the Elvis look alike much better.

Busy, Busy, Busy

I can't believe how busy I've been for the last little while.  I can trace it back to three things.  First, I have been sick, sick, sick with a horrible, grab your children and run cough that never goes away.  Second, I have class every Tuesday and Wednesday night.  Finally, my student teacher left to complete her kindergarten assignment.  I was happy to have my class back, but it sure was nice having an extra body to complete some of the routine tasks that can really add up when it's just one person trying to do it all.  But, the good news is my cough finally seems to be winding down, after this Tuesday I'll only have class on Wednesday, and that will free up some time for me to catch up on school stuff.  This weekend Amie and I headed down to BYU to watch the U gymnasts compete in their final meet of the season.  They sure did awesome.  Amie and I started going to the meets a couple of seasons ago when she got some free tickets.  It was such a nice break from our regular weekend adventures we kept going and now I'm hooked.  The meets are always interesting and fun to watch. Can't wait to see how they do at nationals.

Happy P-Day!

Can someone please answer a question for me? Is it President's Day? Presidents' Day? or Presidents Day? Let's examine each scenario.

1. President's Day -- A day designated to honor the current president.  The apostrophe indicating the president "owns" the day if you will.
2. Presidents' Day -- A day designated to honor all presidents.  The apostrophe indicating the presidents "own" the day if you will.
3. Presidents Day -- A day designated to honor presidents but no ownership is indicated because really how do you own a day?

This has bothered me for a while now and I've seen it all three ways.  Apparently I'm influenced by environmental print as much as the kids in my class are. I'm just glad it is a holiday.  I really need a day to catch up.

(Artwork is courtesy of a student in my class.  It was the cover of her final biography project on which she received an A.  I think she was trying to draw Abraham Lincoln in profile and not as an alien, but I could be wrong because he has somehow been transported through time where he is able to address large crowds using a microphone, with some sort of tufted pink, green, and yellow, cushion as a chair.  It doesn't matter.  I just thought it was darn cute.)

Irrational Fears Rationalized

I admit it.  I am a fearful person.  I get nervous and scared easily.  Sometimes my response to fear is uncontrolled laughter and excessive chattiness.  A slightly less pleasant response is sweaty eyebrows and pits.  The third response is snot running down my face sobbing.  For example, I do not like to sit next to strangers in a movie theatre.  I can't stand it when it is crowded and as a result Amie and I have gone to excessive lengths to outsmart the computer when selecting our reserved tickets at LHM theaters (but that's another blog entry). This blog entry is designated to situations that have prompted the third response. 

My biggest fear began at an early age and continues to this day.  Snakes.  I hate them.  I vividly remember waking up in my top bunk bed screaming because a snake was in my bed.  I was unable to move and just sat there crying until my dad came and ripped off the bedspread which revealed not a ball python, but a roll of masking tape.  How a roll of masking tape made its way onto the top bunk? I'll never know, but that is when the fear really began to materialize.  It didn't help matters when we would traipse through the gully on my way to school and encounter snakes sunning themselves on the path. One of the worst snake related memories came when I was in Mr. Allen's AP biology class as a sophomore at Alta.  He had a giant python in the back of the room and having taken biology as a freshman I was able to witness two years worth of monthly "feedings." Sometimes rats, sometimes chickens, but the all-time worst was the white rabbit.  Now I had never heard a bunny make a sound up until this point but upon being stalked, snared, and strangled, by the python the bunny let out a blood curdling scream that haunts me to this day. Think Hannibal Lechter, "Do you hear the lam

bs Clarice?" Shiver. Mr. Allen mercifully realized that this was not going to be good so he stuck his hand in the cage and stuck his thumb in the rabbit's eye to kill it instantly.  I learned a lot that year in biology. My worst encounter with a snake came when I was walking in the foothills behind the U. with Sharon.  We liked to take this trail above Red Butte Gardens and we were just about at the end of the loop which would bring us back home when a gigantic rattlesnake at least three inches around was coiled and shaking its rattler.  I froze.  So did Sharon.  Eventually the snake uncoiled and slide off into the bushes but I couldn't unfreeze.  I could not proceed across the path and despite being only a few minutes from home we had to turn around and take the loop back the other direction.  It was terrifying.  This fear is so rational it could sink its fangs into me.

A second fear I have is falling into deep holes.  I would always avoid walking over manhole covers in the street or on sidewalks because it just creeped me out.  I admitted that this fear was pretty irrational until one day while working as a nanny I was outside helping one of the kids learn to ride a bike.  You know the drill.  I was running behind holding onto the seat helping her to

 balance when she got mad at me because I let go.  The reason?  I had unknowingly stepped on a manhole cover.  The problem.  The manhole cover wasn't sealed properly and my left leg went straight down into the hole skinning my shin on the way down. This resulted in another irrational fear becoming rationalized.  

A third fear that I hope never becomes rationalized is nuclear winter.  I think having grown up in the 70s/80s and having watched The Day After (The one where Steve Guttenberg is caught in a nuclear blast, loses all his hair, and must defend his family from a hungry hammer wielding radiation burned psycho)  has made me a little overly sensitive.  But I was in the movie theatre with some friends watching The Sum of All Fears  and I started bawling when a nuclear bomb went off and radioactive snow started to fall. Yikes.

Finally, Amie alerted me to the fact that killer bees have made their way to Utah.  My fear of killer bees began back in the day when they used to have Friday night fright night on channel 13, but then it moved to a Saturday matinee and they would show movies like Something Wicked this Way Comes, Carrie, The Towering Inferno, and The Swarm. So in the swarm this colony of killer bees surrounded people and they couldn't get away.  If they tried to get in their car the bees would surround the vehicle, come in through the vents, and sting you dead.  You couldn't run because they would swarm you.  You couldn't hide.  Your only hope was to jump in water but then they'd just hover over the water waiting to sting you when you came up for air so either you drowned or you got stung.  I felt relatively safe knowing that killer bees did not live in Utah, but every now and again I'd hear reports that swarms were slowly moving north.  I pretty much eliminated the possibility of every visiting Texas once I read a news report that they had be spotted there, so now I guess St. George is out too because some yahoo was keeping them as pets.  

This entry has gone on way longer than expected.  If you made it this far, I'm sorry for stealing precious moments of your life to reveal what clearly is a cry for help.  My next google search will be to find a good psychiatrist who is on my medical plan.  I'm sure they'll approve my visit. I'll just need to fax them a copy of this post.  

Got any irrational fears?  I'd love to hear them. Misery loves company -- or at least fraidy cats do.

Roses are red

It was quite a surprise when the principal walked into my classroom during our valentines party followed by a man in a suit and a women carrying one dozen long stemmed beautiful red roses. My first thought -- there's been some sort of mistake.  But actually, one of my students put my name in at Harmon's grocery store during our school PTA day and I was selected to receive the flowers.  She wrote, "Miss Garber makes everything fun -- even math."  I couldn't contain my excitement and I blurted out, "My first roses for Valentine's Day!" Then a sigh, "Actually, today is Friday the 13th."  I've got to remember to edit my comments before I speak them out loud.  But I was pretty excited and the roses are beautiful.  Who cares if my first valentine roses come from an 8 year old.

The Grammys

All due respect to Alison Krauss but Coldplay was robbed!  I loved the Justin Timberlake duet at the end.  I also loved the Chris Martin, Jay Z duet.  Kid Rock rocked.  Jennifer Hudson's song was touching, but one of my favorite moments was watching all these rappers sing along to Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline.  So fun.  On Saturday I went to brunch, but it turned into lunch because let's face it, I'm not really a morning person. Anyway.  It was fun reminiscing with Tina, Mel, and Stacy about Jr. High.  Good times.  Whoever thought a mandatory gymnastics unit was a good idea?

American Idol

American Idol has returned in all its glory.  I loved the episode from Salt Lake.  Pretty much summed up our state. I can't wait for Hollywood week.  I'm so glad they brought back the group songs.  Get ready for some train wrecks people.  I don't have any favorites yet, still too soon to tell, but I did like the girl from Salt Lake with the tattoos all down her arm.  I liked how she sang her song. But my favorite moment came from the first episode when Ryan Seacrest tried to high five the blind guy.  It was pretty funny.  

I'm so blue...

Today I'm feeling a little glum.  The reasons?

1. No milk.  I wanted cereal for breakfast.  Now I have to get dressed and go shopping or else settle for toast.
2. Alison Becker no longer hosts VHI video countdown.  It's a new guy and he just can't bring the funny like she did.  I knew she made a mistake when she cut those bangs.
3. I'm sure it's just water weight.
4. My DVR went weird when I recorded this week's Biggest Loser so I only saw the first 15 minutes.
5. I thought I'd watch it online so I came downstairs but I forgot my glasses.  I'm actually typing this with the screen about a foot from my face.
6. Rain.
7. Toxic rain.  
8. Those stroke commercials -- now every time I get dizzy, have a headache, or slur my words I think I'm having a stroke.  
9. 401K.  My statements came last week.
10. I heard the new U2 single and I just don't like it.
11. Laundry, another Saturday more loads of laundry.

Here are a few things that will surely help me get out of this funk:

1. All Small and Mighty -- So small, so mighty, and it does smell pretty good.
2. U2 is releasing a new CD not just a single.
3. Lost is back.
4. I actually like toast.  Especially if I eat it with honey.
5. It really is water weight. My scale can calculate that.
6. I can always read the top 20 videos online. 
7. The rain should clear out the inversion.
8. I have a laptop so when I walk upstairs to get my glasses I can take it with me.
9. I still have many, many years till retirement so my 401K can recover.
10. It's Saturday.

I feel better already.

King for a day

In school this month we have been reading many biographies.  It's a nice way to introduce Martin Luther King Day and Presidents Day, and enhance the students' background knowledge of these important individuals.

This week some of the stories have been about Ruby Bridges, Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman, and Martin Luther King Jr.  When my student teacher asked the kids to explain why MLK was such an important person one of the kids writes, 

"He was important because he went to church and he was a king." Chuckle. But seriously it is so refreshing to talk to young children who truly have no prejudices towards people of different races and ethnicities.  My class is made up of children with a variety of skin tone, hair colors, and ethnicities.  I have never heard one of them say something unkind about another person because of the color of their skin.  Now, if we can just work on not saying unkind things period that would be a step in the right direction.

It's cute listening to their reactions when you read about how Rosa Parks had to sit in the back of the bus, or how Ruby Bridges had to go to a different school because she was black.  They are appalled.  I know racism still exists, but it is most definitely a learned behavior.  It's up to the adults to set an example of respect, tolerance, and non-violence.

I feel so lucky to be able to witness this historic presidential inauguration.  Even my second graders are excited about it.  I know that they don't realize the true significance of the event but they can feel the anticipation of what is to come.  I know I for one I will be watching and reflecting about how far we've come as a nation.  This moment is profound.

Community Ed.

Just before New Year's Eve I received my Granite Peaks Community Ed catalog in the mail. Amie had called to give me a head's up about some of the courses and I was anxious to read up on the offerings.  I do love to take classes and I thought I might try to round out my transcripts with a little less math and a little more liberal arts.  Here are a few of my favorite offerings:

Finding Your Wings: Intuitive Healing 1

Explore meditation, breath work, chakras, auras, Reiki, some quantum-touch....Learn some Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) for self, family, friends, and pets....

Forkbending

...Boost confidence and self-esteem while learning some fun and effective Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). Bring your positive attitude and open mind;...Taught by Healing Coach Utahna Tassie.

Practical Pendulum & Muscle Testing

...Kinesiology can enable one to locate lost children, pets, underground water, best place for a business or vacation, problems with automobile, misplaced jewelry, etc. We'll also learn to find and clear substance sensitivites for family and pets with EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).

Paganism, Witchcraft, Wicca

Although few know much about it, Paganism is one of the world's oldest religions.  It is a spiritual way of life and a religion of nature.  Become educated and tolerant of others by studying different creeds.  If anyone you know claims s/he is now a Pagan, or Wiccan, take this class to understand the basics of this ancient religion.  Come with an open mind.  You may be surprised at what you learn!

Hmmm...

While I am intrigued about how Emotional Freedom Techniques may help me calm my dog and really, who wouldn't want to locate underground water? The Paganism and Witchcraft course pushed me over the edge.  So, on second thought I'm round enough -- I'll just stick to my algebra class and water aerobics, and call it good.